Couple Therapy
Do you have conflict in your relationship? Do you find yourself having the same arguments over and over? Maybe what you want out of the relationship seems to be at odds with your partner’s wants and needs. Or maybe you are in a newer relationship and want to strengthen your already great relationship.
Whether you are in a newer relationship or have been together for decades, I help couples learn how to connect, overcome their challenges and improve their communication and relationship satisfaction. Other issues I support couples with are:
Because I am deeply committed to helping couples and every couple is different, I practice four different forms of couple therapy, all of which are very different from each other; this ensures that I am likely to practice a form of therapy that will be a good fit for both you and your partner. The types of couple therapy that I practice include but are not limited to:
ISTDP (Intensive Short-Term Dynamic Psychotherapy) - This is one of the most well researched short-term approaches to therapy with over 60 different studies. It is a highly effective approach to therapy for both individuals and couples.
IFIO and IFS (Intimacy from the Inside Out) - Intimacy from the Inside Out is the couple therapy version of IFS (Internal Family Systems. This is the fastest growing type of therapy today. Therapists have found this form of therapy to be so effective that tens of thousands of therapists are clamoring to get training in IFS. The demand for training in IFS has far outstripped the available teachers today to the point that some therapists have been on a waiting list for over four years to get access to these trainings.
TEAM-CBT - If you like CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) and would like some communication tools, you will enjoy this approach. To get a flavor of it, feel free to read Feeling Good Together by Dr. David Burns.
PACT - Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy is a wonderfully effective and accessible approach to couples therapy. If you would like to start reading about PACT, I recommend Dr. Stan Tatkin’s book We Do. I also describe PACT in detail below.
PACT for Couple Therapy
One of the forms of Couple Therapy that I practice is called PACT—Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy, developed by Dr. Stan Tatkin. For many years, I did not practice Couple Therapy because I had not yet found an approach to Couple Therapy that I found compelling and effective; PACT changed all that for me. It is a stunningly effective approach to Couple Therapy, in my opinion.
PACT combines the cutting-edge research from three areas: developmental neuroscience, attachment theory and the biology of human arousal. (In this case, “arousal” does not refer to sexual arousal, but rather one’s level of activation, energy, stress, alertness and readiness to change.)
Neuroscience
Neuroscience is the study of the brain. If we know how the brain works, we then have a physiological basis for understanding how people act and react within relationships. Basically, some areas of the brain are wired to reduce threat or danger and seek security, while other areas of the brain are focused on establishing mutuality and loving connection.
Attachment Theory
Attachment theory focuses on the biological human need to bond with others. Our experiences in early childhood relationships create a blueprint that informs the sense of safety and security we bring to adult relationships. Our insecurities that have been carried through life can wreak havoc for a couple if these issues are not resolved. If you are familiar with attachment theory, you may have read that certain attachment types do not mix well together—I find this type of pathological approach to be less helpful for couples. Instead in PACT, there is a much more nuanced understanding of attachment styles that I find far more empowering. If you understand your own attachment style and your partner’s, you will have many flexible tools to handle conflict and wonderful ways to deepen your connection, fun, and intimacy.
Biology of Human Arousal
Biology of human arousal is the moment-to-moment ability to manage one’s energy, alertness, and readiness to engage. In PACT, “arousal” does not refer to sexual arousal, but rather one’s level of activation, energy, stress, alertness and readiness to change. When you learn to read and manage your own arousal and your partner’s, you are then able to choose consciously how to respond to each other rather than reacting impulsively without thought.
Whether you are in crisis in your relationship or looking to improve and deepen an already wonderful connection, I can help.